Back to the past of wife swapping.
In the fifties the magazines referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s called “swinging,” but in any case of its name this sexual performance seems to be increasing in recognition among majority, grown-up married couples in the United States and Canada. The popular media are paying increasing attention to the phenomenon, often putting a encouraging spin on the effects which swinging has upon relationships. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are organized swing clubs in more or less all states as well as Belgium, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are profitable ventures which provide all levels of social activities for swingers including vacation plans, special vacation sites for swingers, and annual conferences and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers voyage bureau, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in December of 1997.
What exactly is swinging? Unlike “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and acceptance of betrayal in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of many people at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual action, treated a lot like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the ultimate focus. Wife swapping is usually done in the company of one’s spouse and requires the approval of both to the practice. Though swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are regulations restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its followers claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the secrecy and untruthfulness inherent in one’s natural wishes for sexual variety, the pair can discover their fantasies mutually without dishonesty or shame. By removing the necessity for deceit from the sexual life, a brand new level of confidence and sincerity about all of one’s feelings is apparently achieved without the destructive baggage of distrust.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and scholarly importance because the attempt to combine sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is deeply “abnormal” from the western model of idealistic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are mutually reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle in fact strengthens or weakens marital relationships, but in an era where 38% of husbands and 31% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives admit to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 61%, and where family instability and parental neglect of kids has become a main national worry, any attempt to redefine “love” and strengthen the marital relationship is worthy of our interest. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, prolong family ties, and enrich the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the residents reported in earlier studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the common public. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the contentment of their marriages and life satisfaction commonly as higher than the non-swinging population.
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